On the Precipice...

Recently I had the opportunity to spend a session of conference up at Temple Square with these lovelies. These girls have been some of my best friends for years and I could go on and on about them. And perhaps I will another time. For now it suffiseth me to say that they are spectacular people and amazing examples and I cherish them. Sitting on this lawn, with some of the people that I am closest to in the world, in the warm afternoon sun after an amazing session of conference--I could only describe it as pure bliss. It was one of those moments when you take a mental snapshot to save the moment and ingrain it in your memory. However, while sitting there I was nagged by the thought that this would be one of the last times things would be this way. After the end of this semester we will all be going our separate ways. I plan on leaving on a mission in August and Miranda wants to follow soon in September. By the time we're back Lauren could be married or graduated. The next time we are together our situations in life will be very different--and we will be very different people. We don't know what's coming, but this chapter of our lives is ultimately closing and we are teetering on the edge of a new beginning.

Now here's the thing about change. It hurts. It's uncomfortable. It stretches and pulls you. It's kind of like mental and emotional growing pains. I've never been very good with change, though you'd think I'd get better after moving so much (3 different elementary schools, 2 different middle schools, and 2 different high schools) But I think change goes against my nature. See, I love order, and structure, and plans, and details, and solidity, and reliability. While change is essentially chaos. Chaos and the unknown. I think one of the big reasons I had such a fear of the dark as a kid (and ok, let's all admit it, as an adult from time to time too) is because of the unknown. Sure, when you move you know the town you'll be in, or the school you'll go to, but you don't know the experiences you'll have or the people that will come into your life. You can't predict the unknown. And that makes it--at least for me--pretty scary. Some people are way better with change and dashing off into the unknown. Those are the type of people who walk into a restaurant and order something new every time. Me on the other hand? Grilled chicken sandwich, sea salt fries, and chocolate frosty (if you're at Wendy's, which although not a restaurant is delicious and probably one of my favorite fast food joints). It's what I order every time, I know what to expect and I know that I like it. So here's the other thing, I kind of have a lot of fear. Which, sidenote, I'm slowly trying to tackle one by one. But change? That's a big one.

prec·i·pice   /ˈpresəpəs/ Noun A very steep rock face or cliff, typically a tall one. Synonyms abyss - cliff - chasm - gulf

So about the title. It seems that at this time in my life, I am standing on the edge of a precipice. See, I'm starting a new chapter in my life pretty soon and that chapter is bringing lots of changes. So I feel like I'm teetering on the edge between the safety of the comfortable life I've been living and the awaiting unknown. I feel a little bit like this guy. But let me clarify, lest you think that I'm comparing my future to some deadly drop into the void. Not at all. But what comes next does take a leap of faith. A very wise friend once quoted President Monson to me when she said "The Future is only as bright as your Faith". And she (and the prophet) were completely right. I've learned, and continue to learn, that we must trust in the Lord and that doesn't just mean to trust in His timing. It means trusting that He is a truly loving Father who will always have our best interests, which ultimately means that He will only move us to better things. You must believe that what you have now is not the best. I hope that doesn't sound negative. But honestly there was a time in high school when I kinda believed that this was as good as it was going to get and that the life ahead of me was bound to be filled with stress and responsibility and worries -- and while that last part has proven to be true at times, I was completely wrong (of course!). Life has only gotten better. Remember God will never take something away without leading you to something better.  President Uchtdorf gave a talk in the Ensign recently for a First Presidency Message, which discussed viewing our lives as though we are always in the middle. He said too often we tend to base life on beginning or endings, yet when viewed in the big picture ,including pre- and post-mortal life, we are constantly living in the middle of our story. This mind shift can help us live with more hope and determination. "Being always in the middle means that the game is never over, hope is never lost, defeat is never final. For no matter where we are or what our circumstances, an eternity of beginnings and an eternity of endings stretch out before us. We are always in the middle. " - President Dieter F. Uchtdorf So yeah, maybe I'm leaning over a precipice. But in a lot of ways we all are. I mean you might think that you're simply living the humdrum of life. That your life right now has settled into a consistent rhythm, or even maybe a rut. But the truth is, that isn't the truth. The future stretches out in front of us like so many infinite possibilities. The Lord is leading us forward into a bright future. And we are all in the middle of life. Changes will come and go. Our circumstances might change. Our houses. Our friends. Seasons will come and go. Semesters will pass us by. However, with faith our future is bright indeed. And Robert Frost says it best:

And So It Begins...

I can't believe I'm doing this. I never thought I'd write a blog. Don't get me wrong! It's not because I dislike blogs. In fact I enjoy them very much. I think their blend of humor and personality made them super enjoyable and sometimes inspirational to read. It's just I never felt that anyone would want to read my pure stream of conscious thoughts. I mean how full of myself would I be if I assumed people wanted to read about every aspect of my life and my boring day to day events? However, in the Church we've been told the importance of record keeping and journal writing. Something I seem to do poorly... So in order to keep up with my adventures in France I figure I'll keep a blog - for myself, and if anyone else wants to read it, that's cool too. And that's how I rationalize it to myself. Don't expect to find deep insights here - hopefully I'll have a few but I wouldn't bank on it. I'm sure it'll be a lot of raving about France and the french food, clothes, culture, and people. Oh and lots of pictures :)

I'm starting the blog a little early because preparation is part of the journey. And right now I am doing a lot of preparation and planning. But I'll talk about all that in a later post. Here's the thought for this post:

The point of travel is to expand our horizons and add more perspectives to our life right? Well how can you possibly do that without getting out of your comfort zone? It's not enough to be in a different city or speak a different language to a native. You have to internalize your experiences. You have to stretch yourself. You have to let your travel change you. That's my goal for my trip. Everyday I want to have a new experience or something I've never done before. One day it might be standing on top of the Eiffel Tower, but a lot of days it'll be something a lot simpler, like trying a new pastry (I expect that will happen A LOT). Life is beautiful and full of amazing experiences and I plan on experiencing it all. I truly believe that there is magic in the world (ok, not like Harry Potter or wands, unfortunately). But I think the magic is in that moment that takes your breath away. After all, "Life isn't measured in the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away" I feel like at school and in our everyday routines, we get caught up on the first definition of life - and trust me this happens to me worse than anyone so it's not like I'm an expert. But it means sometimes we forget to smell the flowers along the path because we're so anxious to get to the destination. I guess what I'm saying (to myself more than anyone else) is 

Don't Let Life Escape You. 

Because it only happens once, and as Ferris Bueller says "If you blink, you might miss it". Enjoy the little things. For me, today it's the warmth of the sun on my skin - in Provo, it's been quite a while since I've really felt that, and the fact that I can wear a dress and NO jacket. Yeah. It's pretty amazing. And so is life.